tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19549393.post114075745000698361..comments2023-04-23T13:33:55.868-05:00Comments on The Realm of Possibility: Something or Nothing # 3Diabolical Geniushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01054611487880242577noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19549393.post-1140896462239186282006-02-25T13:41:00.000-06:002006-02-25T13:41:00.000-06:00This is good, Rich. I'm probably not the best per...This is good, Rich. I'm probably not the best person to offer judgment on this because I lived through it with you. (And on that note, let me say that "Jason" doesn't appreciate "Bryan" trying to pawn "Mrs. Renehan's" cooking off on Jason when Bryan offers to give up his dinner because he isn't hungry. Jason has tasted Mrs. Renehan's cooking. Jason knows of its [ahem] quality.)<BR/><BR/>Here's some coincidence for you. I was telling some of this story (or, more precisely, the episode of real life upon which your story is based) just the other day to a guy I work with. It came up because he told me he actually chose not to take a job in Florida last year because of the impact it would have on his kid (and his son is actually playing in the VA state basketball playoffs right now - for the regional championship tonight, in fact). <BR/><BR/>The line where Rob tells Bryan that he already thinks Bryan is an idiot is hilarious, and genuine-sounding. You may want to be careful in some of the dialogue. There may be some 16-year old boys that would say, "She's gorgeous," rather than, "She's hot!" but I'm not certain how many 16-year old jocks would use the phrase, "Man, you are smitten," to a friend, even ironically. But that's small criticism. <BR/><BR/>I think you have to finish this - or at least put more time into it to see how it progresses. And let's pump up the "Jason" character some, huh? He needs some scenes that demonstrate his charm, wit, and nobility. I'm pretty sure he's the surprise hero of this story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19549393.post-1140799977667834292006-02-24T10:52:00.000-06:002006-02-24T10:52:00.000-06:00Lots of thoughts, but this is definitely something...Lots of thoughts, but this is definitely something. <BR/><BR/>I definitely want to know how it ends. After these first 3 chapters, I still believe that Lindsey, Hallie, and "alone but happy" all have a chance. That keeps me reading. <BR/><BR/>Hallie might be anything given the fact that she seems quiet, but she come from the wrong side of the tracks too. <BR/><BR/>Lindsey 100% has my sympathy, but you are working convincingly to make her unlikeable. I don't know how far you will take her down that road. <BR/><BR/>You put Bryan in a really hard place. We don't know what it was about Hallie that made him want to move on from Lindsey. We get no view of whether he was really that unhappy with Lindsey, or whether the unhappiness began when his other attraction began. <BR/><BR/>So, the book seems to be about loyalty?<BR/><BR/>Loyalty is a hard, hard subject. And loyalty at that age can be much more a weakness than a virtue. By nature I make Lassie look traitorous, and it ain't a good thing. Loyalty makes a man live in destructive denial. It sounds like you are going to jump all over that. <BR/><BR/>Yep, I would like to know how it ends.Kevin Knoxhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16788817477327510023noreply@blogger.com