Balaam's Ass -SQOTW

yeah i've always wandered by this riverside
i've always wondered what it's like to be more than alive
yeah the boss man says, "i'd advise you resist."
i just nod my head and look off in the distance, nod my head and look off in the distance

these days i never go out looking much
or feeling my best
i'm sorry! i'm sorry! i'm sorry! this stuff
it clings to my flesh

one is men's hearts that are failing for fear.
two see the carnage strewn on the shore.
three are the life boats full to capacity?
four is there room for just one more?
five you will feel like the great wallenda,
six as he stepped out over tallulah gorge.
seven i will bind myself to the truth
and speak it like balaam's ass once more.

-- Balaam's Ass, Vigilantes of Love, from the CD Blister Soul

Not much to say about these lyrics except how much imagery I get from them. The first verse speaks reflectively on what it means to really be alive. Then, the short bridge comments on the depression of loathing that part of yourself - the sin and love of self - that you cannot seem to get rid of. Lastly, there's the pounding chorus numbered off. The singer sees the state of mankind, asks if he can jump in with all those trying to save themselves, but finally decides to step out in faith and bind himself to the Lord.

I've been to Tallulah Falls and the Tallulah Gorge several times. I've attached a pic of the place where the Great Wallenda (of the Great Wallendas) crossed over on a tight rope. It's spectacular in its beauty, but as I'm one that's deathly afraid of heights, when you get too close to the edge of the cliff walls, fear seems to block out the grandeur. All I can think of is, "I don't want to fall." Unfortunately, that can be reminiscient of life too often. Instead of taking a step forward in faith, a la Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade movie, I'm running with others searching for my place on the life boat.

One major truism I've found in my walk with God is that He doesn't let me spend an inordinate amount of time in my comfort zone. Let me be clear: I'm a person that LOVES my comfort zone. If I could, I'd probably ball up in a fetal position and spend all my time there. However, it's hard to love others there, and it's certainly easy to love myself. I'm an easy target for certain, shall I say, luxuries of life, and, like Balaam, though my tongue might speak the right words, my actions betray me. Sooner of later, I'm kicking my ass - figuratively speaking - when the Holy Spirit starts goading me and I don't want to go. However, whenever anything profitable has come from my life at all, it's usually because, like Wallenda, I've stepped out from where I feel safe, and I've gone where God wants me to go -- or at least where I've thought He's wanted me to go.

Writing with Ken has been one of those things. There's not a long list because, like I said, I love my comfort zone. Best thing for me, however, is bind myself to the Truth, and speak like Balaam's ass.

Sidenote: For those of you guys who think I picked this song just so I could use the word "ass" a few times in a post, you win a prize - cuz it was cool :). Is that what you thought I was gonna say?

Vet - SQOTW

if you got a good home to go to
it's cool i guess i'll say
homeward bound and we touched down
there at the jfk
i'd like to forget that moment
there's the curse of video tape
screaming and all the clenched fists
spit rolling down my face

late at night tv's on
the kids are off to bed
under the haze of the cathode ray
step out of the cargo bay
women and children take them out first
the whole thing feels so hopeless
smile or a handshake and lookout baby
here comes the plastic explosive

ah take me down to the saigon river
ah take me down to the china sea
put myself unreservedly
in the stars and stripes forever
i got a little cauterized brain and a heart shot off at the knees
i got a little cauterized brain and a heart shot off at the knees
i got a little cauterized brain and a heart shot off at the knees

-- Vet, Vigilantes of Love, from the Welcome to Struggleville CD

Here are two of the verses and the chorus from Vet, a song Bill Mallonee wrote for a friend while working at Charter Winds Hospital. However you feel about the Vietnam War, I think it'd be difficult to listen to this song without being affected by the vivid and disturbing imagery from the POV of a Vietnam War vet.

It's too easy to say, "We take our armed forces for granted," when, then, we continue on doing what we do giving them hardly any thought as we live our lives. I'm sure many veterans would say that's why they do what they do -- so we can live our lives in freedom. But for us, those words should sound pretty hollow.

The sacrifices made by the men and women that fought in that war, and in others, aren't encapsulated just in the number of service personnel that died and for the years they served fighting abroad. Those years never leave the people that fought in them. My father-in-law fought in Korea, should have died, had great friends that did die, and to this day, he'll hardly ever talk about it. War doesn't leave them. They live on, but those remembrances are engrained, and we should all remember and respect them to our utmost. And, of course, as Jesus commands, love them as we should love everyone.

They've done something for which we owe countless sums, an intangible debt that can't be repaid. At the very least, let's think about them.

Now as the Train Pulls Away - SQOTW

here on the platform, a well laid plan
pain in your pocket, ticket in your hand
rain on your lips, honey i wish you would stay
now as the train pulls away

no signs to read, no voices to warn
people don't stay, in love anymore
what about forever, 'til the end of our days
now as the train pulls away

rehearsed all my lines, but i forgot what to say
some things are just, too little too late

eyes they're all empty, mouths they're all dry
words they just stumble, and fail you every time
aching's all that's left, at the end of the day
now as the train pulls away

-- Now as the Train Pulls Away, Vigilantes of Love from the great, great Audible Sigh CD

This is it. If I had to pick one favorite over all the Bill Mallonee songs, this is the one. It's a simple lament over what's happened to love these days. It's beautiful in its sadness, and the rhythmic train-like start and finish fits just so well with the train image the song echoes.

My brother and I have talked a lot about musical perfection (specifically in rock music or its spawnings) before. I'm not sure there is such a reality of that ideal, although some songs rub up against it. For me, this tune is about as close as it gets for sustaining it for about three minutes.

The heartbreaking lyrics of broken love and broken marriage... mm... it hurts to think about, especially when you can identify or empathize with them. "What about forever to the end of our days?" We make and take these oaths when we're young (or sometimes not so young) with all best intentions, and then life happens. And time happens. A lot of taking without much giving. What started with forgiving and forgetting becomes remembering and remonstrating. Battlelines are drawn and defense mechanisms are aimed for counter-strikes to the bombs you know are coming until over time, all love gets bled out of a heart that becomes stone.

Aching's all that's left...

We live this life... we get one chance... and we end up with this mess on our hands and wonder how it came to this.

And we watch as the person we once loved just walks away.

Drunk on the Tears - SQOTW

alibis roll off my tongue
i'm looking for ruins to hide among
i got a soul piled high to excess
with the wonderfully useless and the frivolous

the praise due your name evades my lips
there's no helping hand on my fingertips
i used to be someone now i'm not worth a shit
i've got a truckload of things trying to forget

since back in the garden on the first page
something about the cradle and the grave
the promises broken more promises made
all in the image i've so defaced

played out on the pages of history
dripping in blood that flows from a tree
where the Father and Son part company
come back together for you and me

i don't know why you did it what was your motivation
crucifixion's not a cool sensation
You had something to say and You started to speak
the Cross was a place for Your coronation speech

-- Drunk on the Tears, VOL from the CD Jugular

Not much to say on this one except how much I identify. I'm great at making excuses, and I'm bad at accepting responsibility. Although I'm not big on blaming others, I'm even less big on blaming myself. That sentiment goes with the little things, the bigger things, and THE BIG THING. And then the praise due to God evading my lips... man, does this song have me pegged.

When it all comes down to it, I'm not much of a person but thankful (not nearly thankful enough, though) that Christ died and rose for me. It does and it doesn't end there, of course. I've got to live for Him. Part of that is recognizing my failures and giving those over along with my victories. But I'm a looooooooong way from where I need to be. I'm thankful for the Church, and that God has always seemingly provided Christians in my path, no matter which false trails I run down. Oh, that I can come to the point where, "To live is Christ," and that's it. I'm always trying to add to that or take away, whichever. Mostly, I'm a mess that I'm hoping the Lord will pick up. Nonetheless, I've got to follow and be a disciple. There's no getting out of that one.

Still, it all begins at the Cross and extends from there. And this song states it well. And it states me well.

Earth Has No Sorrow (Heaven Can't Heal) - SQOTW

johnny says to sarah as he takes her by the hand
"i hear angels 'cross that river in beulahland"
the waters are cold and they're deep my friend
i'm going down down down and coming up again
i'm checking my closets since i don't know when
surely life is more than learning how to live with your skeletons
wind swing low whisper in my ears
wind swing low dry these tears

why is joy something i must steal
starving skeletons looking for a meal
out in the graveyard the church bells peal
earth has no sorrow heaven can't heal

-- Earth Has No Sorrow, VOL from the Killing Floor CD

Bill Mallonee's line, "surely life is more than learning how to live with your skeletons" has to resonate with anyone who has regrets they live with, however "large" or "small." Because if they're truly regrets, does size matter at all? Another Mallonee song called Certain Slant of Light tells in this way, "Tell me your deep dark secret, yeah, and I will tell you mine. Oh, is that your deep dark secret? Oh well, never mind." Isn't that so true? The logs in our eyes reflect down into the burden on our souls, and they need to be dealt with. And with regrets, all of them may as well be the world on your shoulders, which is why we like to hide them in the dark places of the soul. Our closets. "Skeletons in my/your closet" is a running theme through a lot of Mallonee's work, and so much of his lyrics ring out on The Fall and Redemption. Skeletons are a tragedy of the fall. Each of us have our own, and they tear us down.

Added to our regret, grief abounds. Death, disease, paralysis, hurt, abandonment, divorce, abuse, treachery, depression, disfigurement, mental retardation... the list of grief sources is endless, and some of them can be found in every family and home in every place in the world.

But I don't want to dwell on that, because amidst all these tears is a wonderful and glorious Hope. And hope is defined as: a wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment. Christ has come, and as Easter proclaims, he has defeated sin and death. While on earth we may experience these sources of pain and woe, in the big picture our lifespan is not even a hair's breadth, despite how we feel now as we're trapped in these skins. Our expectation is this: everything has and will be made right by Him who has sacrificed and conquered. And one day, trite as it may sound now, all the tears will be wiped away and our lives shall be restored, which is our hope.

Truly, earth has no sorrow that Heaven can't heal.

Don't Lose Your Guns - SQOTW

Did I trick ya? With the last post, I mean. Did you think we weren't going to make it to even 251? Well, I told you I had a Bill Mallonee post coming, just like every Tuesday. And getting to that, here's a cool song he wrote early, early, early in his career with VOL about his kids.

tender young flower grown up in my garden
and i pray ever day that your heart will not harden
a cynic's song surrounding you on each and every street
at the altar in the bar in the faces you will greet

don't lose your guns, don't lose your guns, don't lose your guns

a gift of something so profound straining all these words
a gift of something so astounding dying to be heard
bone of my bone you are flesh of my flesh
blood of my blood you are breath of my breath

don't lose your guns, don't lose your guns, don't lose your guns

you are my pride child and yes you are my crown
how to keep the darkness from dragging you down
i feel the weight of what i am and what i am not yet
i'd like to pass on something besides all these deficits

don't lose your guns, don't lose your guns, don't lose your guns

-- Don't Lose Your Guns, Vigilantes of Love from the Driving the Nails CD

The bookends of this song are just so meaningful to me. I guess if you don't have kids, and this really sort of points to having boys more than girls with the "guns" association (although even with girls you get the idea), it may not speak to you, but it does to me.

Yesterday, I went to pick up my seven year old from Kid's Club (after-school care) to take him to his first baseball game. I was pretty excited and trying to get him pumped for the competition as we're walking out to the car. Let's win, win, win baby! We get to the door, and he looks up at me, smiles, and says, "Daddy, I've got three caterpillars in my pocket." I stopped for a moment and just reflected. There I was trying to grow him up, and there he was being that precious child that I love (and, for the most part, wish that he'd stay that way longer). "Can I keep them?" he asked. "We can keep them in a two liter bottle." At first I was going to try to think of a reason not to, but after reflecting, I said, "Why not. We'll find something to put them in." I doubt this gets across, but it was just one of those cool daddy/son moments that I'm not going to have with him much longer. We already are having and have had a lot of dad/son stuff, but the daddy/son times are going the way of the dodos.

Both my boys have such tender hearts. As a parent, I have a chance to try to let them live in their innocence or help grow them out of it. Sure, I'm supposed to teach them as they grow to become fine lads, then teens, then hopefully usher them into adulthood with a love for Christ and others, but sometimes I'm rushing things. Meanwhile, the world around them ain't helping me out any either. Some of the terms they've learned at school and the ideas that have been conveyed to them from other boys aren't so innocent. And that's only gonna get worse. BUt like the song says, I'll pray for their hearts to stay soft... to not harden.

Then, that ending says so much as to what our job is as parents. Trying to pass along the good and teach them to forsake the bad. The bad that I am. The bad that I do and have done. There's a whole pile of "Rich"ness I hope neither of my boys have to lug through life with. Because they're human too, they'll have enough to struggle with on their own. If only I could pass on the good. So that's what I set my heart on, and I'll see what happens.

And speaking of kids, it's time to go pick one up! I'll talk to all of you later.

Hopeless Is As Hopeless Does - SQOTW

yeah i fell asleep when you needed a friend
you were sweating blood and talking about violent ends
ah we're pulling swords talking real loud
pledging allegiance yes us a bunch of cowards

-- Hopeless Is As Hopeless Does, VOL from the CD V.O.L.

This verse, sang from the POV of one of Jesus' Inner Circle of disciples, relates the story of what happened with the Lord's chosen crew just before and at Jesus' arrest. Jesus had taken John, James, and Peter with Him into the Garden at Gethsamane. After many days of travel through Israel and, finally, a week of unrest, the Lord's death is near. He knows that and has taken His three closest friends into the garden to keep watch as He prays. In His hour of need, the worn out disciples fall asleep. A couple times Jesus comes back and rebukes them -- and they see Him, albeit weary-eyed, in His sweat and in His bad condition -- but the flesh is weak, and they continue to fall asleep.
Well, before that at the Last Supper, Jesus had foretold of His coming death, and Peter started the bravado with his statements that he would never leave Christ's side, not even for the sake of his own life. Following suit, the rest of the disciples claimed the same. They bragged how they'd never leave Him.

Now, as His prayer time ends and those who seek Jesus' life have come for Him with Judas, His betrayer, He awakens the three and they get the others of the twelve, now eleven. The mixture of soldiers, priests, servants, and Judas confront Jesus and the disciples. The betrayer steps forward and has an exchange with Jesus. Then, he ends the encounter with a kiss. The soldiers and servants step forward to bind the Lord. In the heat of it, Peter (and maybe one or two others) whip out swords. Peter, the most brash of the disciples, starts the fight, slinging a blow that rips off the ear of the high priest's servant. Almost instantly, Jesus turns to Peter and tells him to holster his weapon.

Then, the soldiers step forward, this time perhaps not just to take Jesus but to get the disciples as well. And what do they do? Peter. James. John. Andrew. Philip. Thomas. Nathanael. James (the lesser). Matthew. Jude. Simon. Every last one of them that offered Christ their allegiance takes off for the hills. They run like cowards. Later, as we know, Peter denies Christ the three times.

In His love, Christ forgives them, and after the Resurrection, He restores every one of them. Deep in the depths of me, that is sooooooooo hard to believe. I know it's Christ and have the knowledge of His love (and the story in retrospect) -- but who can hurt a person the worst? Those closest to that person. And in His time of need, his "friends" abandoned Him, seeking life for themselves. Still, Christ forgave them, and that should be a lesson to me forever.

After the crucifxion, knowing what generally happened to the followers of false Messiahs, the disciples huddled together in secret for protection. I wonder about the conversations they had together during that day and a half. And all their self-esteems had to have been shot. I bet it was one depressed place.

The last thing I'll mention is that I've often wondered if I would have run. Or would I run now faced with death or renouncing my beliefs. Prophetically, I think the Psalms tell that everyone was going to abandon the Lord at that point. But more appropriate is what I would do now. There's a lot of Christians in the world right now having to make that exact decision. Same thing historically. And I don't think any Christian should ever think themselves too insulated to believe that decision might not happen to them (sorry for the double negative) someday.

Let's try and make our hearts ready and then keep them ready.

It Could Be a Lot Worse - SQOTW

Another excellent series of lines in yet another cool song from the Vigilantes of Love.

faith she's a whistling train
running hard in the dark
and hope is like a thing untamed
gonna lay to waste your heart
love's a little bit of God
there for all to know
love's the everlasting arms
that never do let go

this is dangerous terrain
we're attempting to traverse
it's a crying shame
but it could be a lot worse

-- It Could Be a Lot Worse, VOL from the Live at the 40 Watt CD

I love the metaphors (and simile) that go with the Big 3 from the Love Chapter in 1st Corinthians. They're so fitting. We live in a world of darkness where there's only so much you can hold on to that's real and that will last.

Come and get it, here in the good ol' U.S. of A., we gotcher dressed for success, anything to achieve, ambition and greed that'll win you all yer lusts and make you ferget yer vanities at least until the next one comes rollin' down the pike and all fer the low, low price of yer single heart. That's right. You look good, then you feel good, and you play hard or work hard, take yer choice. It can all be yer's.

It is dangerous terrain. If it's not getting sucked into the culture until the proverbial point of no return, there's a world of depression that can leave you in grief for merely a lifetime. The old adage "misery loves company" isn't far from the truth, especially if you're the demon called Misery. And yeah, the sun shines and the sky is blue but you're fooling yourself if you don't think the darkness is all around and usually no more than a wrong step away.

What do we do then? We hold onto Christ with a faith that rumbles over and through those hard times, with that Headlight that leads us through the night. Trials and the pitfalls of life are going to come. We'll all experience death and loss, failure, sickness, unfairness, temptation and sin. And whether we stand or fall, faith carries us through and keeps us going. We keep believing in Him and believing in Him. Through the questions. Through the grief. Through the high times and the low. Holding on. Running hard in the dark.

Then, there's hope. Always looking for better with the confidence that what's wished for will come. Sometimes those hopes fail us and bring us to the end of our ropes. It really can lay our hearts to waste. Then, we hope some more. Our hope, hand-in-hand with our faith, tells us there's something better at the end of the track. Hope squints its eyes in the looking, but re-opens them quickly so it doesn't miss the good that's nearby, either.We hope for the small things and the great with the Eternal Hope within our hearts. And one day...

Lastly, there's love. A little bit of God there for all to know. What a beautiful sentiment! Although love is not God, God is love. What a privilege that we can know and share that love. And how comforting that even when our hope and our faith fail us (or when they don't), God still loves us. HE LOVES US!!! With a love that's so unyielding, loyal, and steadfast that nothing can change or move it. Not even our unworthy selves. Everlasting arms that NEVER... do... let... go.

With our sin and our selfishness and our idolatry, it is a crying shame. Each of us can honestly say that we made it necessary for Christ to go to the Cross. For blame, we can look no farther than our own skin. My own skin. I guess it can be argued, but from my way of thinking, God didn't have to send His son. By the virtuelessness of our sin, we don't deserve the love. Or the hope. Which would mean there'd be no use for the faith. But God did love us. So much He sent himself to be clothed in human skin, to live a life of total Godly obedience, and then to die unjustly on a Cross to take on all the holy wrath that was stored for the children of sin. Yeah, it's a crying shame, but it could be a whole, whole lot worse. Thank God that it's not.

For God so loved the world...

Vigilantes of Love

Hat in Hand - SQOTW

Limited time once again, but I'll write what I can. Despite the lack of "commenting" interest I get on my Bill Mallonee song quotes of the week posts, somehow I really do feel you guys/gals brimming with internal reverence with each one (wink, wink). So I trudge onward with lyrics from this little baby:

run fast after everything
and that's just what you'll miss
live your life opened armed
or with a clenched fist
dirt lot kids doing dirt lot deeds
way too much living in the minor key
burn all these sins in a Love so grand
shuffle forward your hat in hand

-- Hat in Hand, Vigilantes of Love from the Electromeo EP

For me, the "dirt lot kids doing dirt lot deeds" line reminds me in many ways of the Ants Marching picture I get from the once-popular Dave Matthews tune. It's a topside view of the human race basically doing what we do, most of it not being so good - and I mean that from an original intent point of view.

What happens in the dirt lot? Well, there's a lot of seeking for self and fighting for your own. Each of us have our own models of what will make us successful, so dun-dun-dun-dun CHARGE!!! We go after it all, which reminds me of a lyric from another song from yet a different band - the 77s The Lust, the Flesh, the Eyes, and the Pride of Life: "I'll go to any length, sacrifice all that I have and all that I might get, just to get something more that I don't need... and Lord, please don't ask me what for." So that's what we do - we run after everything. In doing so, we miss all the things that are really important. To bring up one last song, it's The Cat's in the Cradle syndrome. And more than just the times we're negligent as parents like in that song, how many times do we miss Christ when He's asking for a drink of water? i don't know about you, but for me, it's probably countless.

But for all these times we miss the mark because we so loved ourselves, God still provided. He went to the Cross for each one of us. When Bill sings the "burn all these sins, in a LOVE so grand," I get chill bumps almost every time I listen (if I'm really listening). Because I am a dirt lot kid, and I do dirt lot deeds. Yet, Jesus still loved me. He still died for me. Open-armed, on the cross. If He did that for me, I need to do my level-best to live open-armed for Him and for others.

When I think that's a lot to ask from me, I need to remember how much it was for the living God to ask of Himself.

Bill Mallonee

Offer - SQOTW

If I had to list a Top Ten Favorites of Bill Mallonee, this song would be in it. No question, it's one of my favorite songs of all time by any artist. I just love the lyrics despite the cliches that abound within (which I know makes some people hate it, but not me), and the pop tempo and beat mixed with a little Americana rolls the tune right down my alley for a strike. The song's title is Offer, and it's from the Vigilantes of Love Blister Soul CD. It's also on the Live From the 40 Watt CD.

The first verse:
they were making available the dreams of the past
for a limited time while the supply lasts
i got in line and i gave the man my cash
yeah i was buying fake diamonds, buying fools gold
and i keep them in a sack shot full of holes
in this land of plenty with an empty soul

The buying fake diamonds and fools gold and keeping 'em in a sack shot full of holes... well, that just seems like what a lot of my life has been like. From childhood until the present, how many times over and over do I go through little fads of things I want that I think will make me happy? So, so many. Worse, I feel like I won't be satisfied without them. And I'm not just talking about materialistic trinkets, collectables, clothes, games, or whatnot, but I've gone through phases where politics, sports, music and good times have been my household idols as well. It's ridiculous, really, when I think about all the useless junk that I use to occupy so much of my time because I think that will make me happy or important or better or contented. The world wraps its little treasures in pretty bows and sell it to me on TV, on billboards, in movies, people talk about them at work, it's on the Net, it's everywhere, and I grab for it all and let it slip like sand through my fingers because it only lasts a short, short time. Woe to me until I can see what's real.

The next verse starts the turnaround:

from parting shots to parting the seas
from stabs in the back to turning the cheek
opening cells and throwing away the key

Here, we go from where I was to Biblical proclamations. Instead of returning evil for evil, there's a cheek to be turned. And the freedom found only in Christ. The chorus rings out with the grace of God and states that there is nothing that is too much for Him to overcome. Nothing He's made, and nothing inside you.

no mountain too high, there's no ocean too deep
no castle too strong, there's no lock that'll keep
no river too wide, there's no desert too broad
no stone you can't break, no heart that's too hard

The climax of the song is the beautiful last verse that expresses just who Jesus is so well and his "offer".

you're the judge and you're the law
the criminal in place of us all
father and mother sister and brother and friend
you say give me your sickness give me your pain
your empty cup and i'll fill it again
why on earth are you digging your own grave?

I think I'll take it.

Bill Mallonee

After All You've Done For Me - SQOTW

Missed the song quote yesterday, so I'll hit it today. Don't have a lot of time so I'll get right to it.

to live inside these ruins
where you move without a sound
oh to live inside this skin again
die outside your town
oh to break forth into sonnets
oh Lord keep me coming back
oh the stories that you tell your head
to keep your heart intact

you don't lose don't lose
no pieces will you ever lose
after all you've done for me
it's the least i could do for you

-- After All You've Done For Me, Bill Mallonee from the CD Fetal Position

These lyrics have a lot of different meanings thrown into them. Death -- and the "to die outside of your town" line definitely touches on Jesus' crucifixion on Golgotha outside of Jerusalem --and rebirth, praise and renewal, and faith highlight the verse. Personally, I love the "to break forth into sonnets, oh Lord, keep me coming back" because there are many times in my life when I want to just praise or thank God for something out of the blue, but those "many" don't make a whole lot of my life, truth to tell. I need the Holy Spirit to remind me to keep my mind on Christ, keep thinking about His goodness and His greatness. To return to Him again and again, in thanksgiving and praise, both in the good times and bad.

But the chorus really brings the song home for me. If you listen to all the lyrics, you'll hear about convictions getting overturned, doubt about yourself and about God, and about how nothing in this world can set you free. Then, there's that line: You don't lose, don't lose -- no pieces will you ever lose. John 10: 27-29 states: My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand. That's what I think this part of the chorus alludes to. Jesus isn't losing any pieces, the pieces being believers -- his sheep. And how awesome is that for the person who abides in Christ? Really, nothing could be better.

The rest of the chorus speaks to God's sacrifice and beyond for us, and our response.

Just another cool, cool song with excellent lyrics from Mallonee. But then, I could say that about most all of them, couldn't I? Or wouldn't I? One or the other.

Bill Mallonee

Just So Everyone Doesn't Think I'm a Total Bootlicker

Here's my brother's very lukewarm (even though it's not, I'll call it a) review of Bill Mallonee's show last night. Brett sent it in an e-mail and has no idea that I'm posting it. Hopefully, he'll be okay with it, but as "they" say, forgiveness is always easier than persmission. Of course, if I thought for an instant that he'd mind, I wouldn't post it.

Here's what he had to say:

I saw Bill Mallonee play a coffee house show last night in Vienna. Weird. Just really not that great. He sounded fine. But... I don't know. It wasn't all that satisfying.

It was the first night of a 12-date tour and maybe that had something to do with it. But he spent an excessive amount of time tuning and retuning between songs, fiddling with harmonicas, and rambling into the mic. But the stories he was telling between songs did not, for the most part, connect. The punch lines didn't work.

Another problem is that he is somewhat limited in what he can play solo acoustic - or he believes he is. He's come up with a very satisfying arrangement for "Nothing Like a Train." But he won't rearrange any other electric stuff. He just plays his dust bowl troubadour songs.

He did play a couple of tunes off of the upcoming Permafrost which were apparently recorded with a band. They were fine. But sitting here reflecting on the show, I can't remember anything about either one of them. So they didn't resonate.

I've also never heard him more profane. That doesn't bother me. But it was a bit surprising, I guess, just because I'm not used to it. Some of it was kind of gratuitous. I wonder if he was just bored. Maybe. There were only 30-35 people there. But I would imagine that he is accustomed to crowds of that size. When I saw him (in the same venue) a few months ago, he delivered a sterling, passionate performance to a crowd that was only slightly larger.

It was a muted crowd last night, though. Maybe it's because it was early in the week. But the applause was mostly just polite rather than enthusiastic. That may have had something to do with the performance and song selection. But the performer/crowd relationship is symbiotic, I think. Each draws on and reacts to the energy and vibe of the other.

Regardless, I think it was just an off night for Bill. Sometimes you don't bring your A-game. It was still worth ten bucks. But I came away from the show with the same feeling of slight disappointment as I did when I saw Pernice Brothers last summer. You don't expect merely okay from top-drawer artists. And I've seen Bill Mallonee much, much better than he was last night.

There you have it. For my money, an off-night Bill Mallonee still beats 90% of the acts out there, but I have to admit that Brett's e-mail disappointed me. You always hope for the best from your favorites. Or, maybe others in the crowd migh have different opinions. I usually trust Brett on these reviews, though -- our music tastes and preferences run pretty parallel. So maybe next time...

Bill Mallonee

Facsimile SQOTW

I'm jealous of my brother because he's going to see Bill Mallonee at Jammin Java in Vienna, Virginia tonight at 8 p.m. All of which has not much to do with this week's song quote, almost surely a number Bill will not play tonight. Here's the chorus:

'cause love is just a plea
deepest point of need
we take a reasonable facsimile
most of the time

and here's a part of the verse that's key:

faith pins her corsage
on easter morning's new Mercy
we know the terrain well
but You kicked down the gates of hell
prison cell's opened
threw away the key

-- Facsimile, Vigilantes of Love from the Slow Dark Train CD

The chorus in this song, and the song itself, laments all the substitutes we make and accept for what is true love. All those different "things" we'll try so that we can fill that gaping hole inside ourselves that needs to be quenched to make life worth the living. Really, we'll use anything as a love facsimile. Which is a shame, because at our "deepest point of need" love is the only thing that will work.

A husband or wife doesn't feel enough love at home, they seek it from someone outside. Kids leave their parent's home for college or a new home of their own, feel lonely, and shack up with some other lonely soul. A child lives in a loveless household and turns to his friends or gangs or drugs or video games or music or anything else that can keep his or her mind from missing what he or she needs most. People seek to replace it with recognition, achievement, and power. Or pornography. Or a bar and a whiskey bottle. We'll go to movies to try and see it or something like it. Listen to songs to hear of it or something like it. Read books to find it or something like it. Heck, a lot of American culture is centered around the idol we think it is.

Or it doesn't have to be bad. It can be work. Studies. Athletics. Art. Travel. Anything that we do where we look for something that might replace that longing in our heart with something else grand. Unfortunately, everything else fails. It all "slips right through our hands." Human beings need love. It's that simple. We were created with that need. We'll take all kinds of other things to try to replace it, to fulfill ourselves, but nothing changes the need.

Even in all the rottenness of our lives, believers have hope. We've glimpsed love, and more than that, we're commanded to do it. Love God. Love your neighbor. Love your enemies. God tells us under no uncertain terms, give others what they need most. How else are they going to see God in this world? As followers of Christ and the People of God, we do pin our hope to Easter morning and to everything that means. We go on knowing Christ triumphed and God loves us.

But there's a world that needs that love. And instead of us accepting all the facsimiles, which we as Christians do much of the time, we really need to concentrate... in our homes, in our churches, in our careers/jobs, in our leisure, in all of our TIME... to love - God and others. It's what we need, and just as importantly, it's what they need.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go make myself listen to Harry Chapin's Cat's in the Cradle about ten times because last night my son asked me the same question about four times, and I put him off without ever answering it. Afterwards, I kissed him goodnight and told him I loved him. But I didn't love him, then, did I?

Bill Mallonee

Chameleon Me (Pin My Hope) - SQOTW

And now for something a little more hopeful instead of my notorious moanings and whinings:

You said, "Hold me that way I know you won't forget."

You were visibly upset, and I was the reason.

I said, "Yeah, you're right, but I believe in happy end-ings,

and those million new beginnings that are ours just for the asking."

-- from Chameleon Me (Pin My Hope), Bill Mallonee's Dear Life CD

This song just as easily could have been on the Friendly Fire CD, and as I understand, most of the songs from Dear Life and Friendly Fire were made together. There had been talk of a double-album, but I don't think the cost-benefit would have been as effective for Bill Mallonee, so that idea was scrapped.

Regardless, what an awesome sentiment. Ken posted a day or two ago on wondering about happy endings. Ken's post ended saying "One day." Here, we see that same belief set forth in the song probably not long after the song's protagonist (if I can use that word for a song) has hurt the person he loves the most, his spouse. She has forgiven and is asking for him to hold her. Then he mentions the happy endings -- and following that, my favorite line in the song:

"and those million new beginnings that are ours just for the asking."

What a wonderful expression of the forgiveness seventy times seven notion.

I think it was Peter that came up and asked Jesus, "How many times should we forgive our brothers if he sins against us? Up to seven times?" And how like me that question is -- "Christ, exactly how many times do I have to forgive my wife/friend/brother/co-worker before I can stop and let him have it? Because if it's seven, then they've already exceeded my limit." But no, Jesus, with God's view of things, turns our own pettiness upside down. "No, not seven I tell you, but seventy times seven." In other words, it doesn't end. You keep forgiving. And each time, there is renewal. In the same way, we can come to God and ask him for forgiveness of our million sins. Each time, we get those million new beginnings that are ours just for the asking. Oh, and what a relief that is.

In theory, it should work this way in all of our relationships. If we forgive as God does, it works in practice as well.

Is forgiveness easy? For any of us? Is it easy for God? I think we need look no farther than the Cross to ask if it was easy for God. Which means for us, sometimes it's going to be the hardest thing we ever do. It is going to grind your guts out sometimes, and you're going to have to wrestle with everything in you to do it. And then to do it over and over? Well, if Christ is our model, and we are to put on Christ, then yes. It may not be what we want to offer the majority of the time. But on the other hand, most of us know what it's like to be forgiven at some point in our lives, whether by God, parents, people in our family, at our works, at our schools. When someone truly forgives you, what a burden it takes off! In the same respect, what a burden you can lift from others when you forgive. How important is it?

The result of forgiveness, I'd say, is the happy endings that we're all looking for. Every single last one of us.

Bill Mallonee

Extraordinary Girl / Solar System (medley) - SQsOTW

For Valentine's Day, I suppose I'll do something Valentine's Day-ish. This little rave-up is a song everyone needs to find a way to hear. It's just one of my all-time favorite songs ever. It's fast; it's short; but oh, is it ever amazing.

If the weather was inclimate,
I'd have told you in a minute.
You can rest your worries here
anytime you want to dear.
And if it's moving way too fast,
well there is this looking glass
the future and the past
are breaking down in all this sunshine.

You ought to know I guess,
it's a different sort of day
when you walked by in that dress.

And she's not an ordinary girl,
she's a million miles away
in an extraordinary world
and I guess I'd have to say:
come whatever come what may,
I just pray to reach you
where it hurts the most,
hold you just a little closer.

-- Extraordinary Girl, Bill Mallonee from the Perfumed Letter CD

Read into it whatever you like. I'll just agree that it is a different sort of day, when she walks by in that dress.

Combine that with:

Well, her lips were red and her hair was brown,
yeah feeling like the luckiest kids in town.
She said "I'll follow you boy to the ends of the earth."
Said "I'm not going that far, for what it's worth."

And I really love to see you like this:
the moonlight dripping off your fingertips,
off your fingertips.

-- Solar System, Vigilantes of Love from the Audible Sigh CD

and you've got yourself a winner of a Valentine.

Vigilantes of Love

Locket Full of Moonlight (and Casual Reprise) - SQOTW

"Her words they held the scent of roses
She was the love of Christ and the law of Moses
It poses many, many questions but suggestions flood the night
They're pouring forth from your locket full of moonlight"

-- excerpt from Locket Full of Moonlight, Bill Mallonee

Falling in love. Not necessarily loving, but falling in love. What an intoxicating, addictive feeling that we get from absolutely nothing else in life. The sun's shining bright in those days. Everything she does is golden. If the rest of life is going to be like this, then she's the one.

I may not be sure of what Bill Mallonee meant by his "locket full of moonlight" metaphor, but I can tell you what it means to me. It's that spirit part of someone else's soul - more than their personality or the personna they give off. The creative, vibrant, tender, and sweet part of a person that exudes simply from living who they are. Their wonderfulness as God's created being. And boy can it shine. Here's a couple more lines from the next verse:

"I've spoken about a self I hardly know
And I can live with that, if it's that self you'll hold"

When we're first falling, that "locket-full"enraptures us, and suddenly we find ourselves doing, feeling, and saying crazy things. We don't even know why we're acting this way, but that's okay if she'll still spend those precious moments of life with us. And then there's that needy part of ourselves that wants to hear that the awesome person that we've fallen for feels the same way we do. Sooner or later, those three words are spilling out.

Can it last? Does it? I think for some people, a version of it does. Especially, and I have no idea how this happens, when two personalties mesh just right. I think it's rare, though. For most, eventually a commitment is made, and perhaps vows to have and to hold, and then you live that union out with moments, for some more than others, of tenderness and sweetness and love combined with burden, giving, compromise, and sacrifice. Or you don't.

Now, I certainly don't want to be misunderstood and be heard to say that marriage is easy or if we just stay committed it gets better or anything that trivializes the pain and suffering that go into break-ups, divorces, or even when we stay in a loveless marriage. For the record, let me just say the opposite's true. It's not easy. It's probably the hardest thing, whether we stick it out or break it off, that any of us will ever do - even in the best of them. But if the marriage wrecks, it's far worse when children are involved. I don't think anyone has to look very far to find that to be true. In just writing this I sort of feel guilty, because these are words on a monitor, and they're going to sound awful hollow to anyone who knows any of the pain of which I write. Love and brokeness are painful and agonizing. Those holes are hard to fill, and yet they're so gaping we want to try. Something's got to fill them.

And we see just how alluring the "locket full" is when we look at a place like Hollywood, where falling in love is "the thing." When that feeling leaves, the relationship's over and a person simply moves on to the next man or woman that gives it to them. But don't think that Hollywood's an island, because most of us -- because we're needy people -- can fall for the siren call of "love." Instead of saying "never" or "it won't happen to me," better just to guard ourselves.

The Locket Full of Moonlight (Casual Reprise) looks back after some years with the same person. It end like this:

"Never underestimate
Distance is a feather or a crushing weight
Somewhere in the darkest night
Lost your locket full of moonlight"

Sometimes that distance is physical, but I think more often and more appropos for most is that it's emotional. What started out as feelings of love and saying crazy things driven by those awesome inner feelings, instead, now you're drawing from wells of bitterness and strife whenever you speak of anything beyond the superficial. It's a haunting number, although beautiful in its own way, because it rings so true for so many people. I hope it's not for anyone reading this.

In the end, it's doubtless better to get words on relationship or marriage advice from Gary Smalley or any number of other counselors in the field than by listening to anything I write. But I'm posting it anyway.
Bill Mallonee

Song Quote OTW

I haven't done this before and don't plan to in the future, really, but this one I'm going to quote the whole song:

we were thrown into a snowbank
into this screaming night
i heard the splintering of bones
i heard the cries of pain and fright
we had laughed and shared a kiss
mingled there our lives honey
doing ninety miles an hour
when our train hit the ice

now i can't remember
what was i so excited about
i can't remember
why all the fuss and shout
i can't remember
ah watch the ember going out

we were joking about the club car's
noticeable bad taste
the food was barely edible
and the opulence and waste were simply astounding
the passengers spent hours dismissing
rumors of their demise
and it's true a little make-up
can make a corpse look fine

but i can't remember
i've been this way since birth
i can't remember
who gives a rat's ass who is first
i can't remember
ah what is any of it worth

i caught sight of a body
in a coat that looked like yours
and i called out your name darling
but i guess you never heard me
instinctively i reached out
and i pulled you near to me
sometimes God's grace won't let you look upon
what you can't bear to see

but i can't remember
all the idols on parade
i can't remember
buy low sell high trade away
i can't remember
ah watch the embers die away

i saw Jesus in the air
now there's a face that you can't miss
i saw Him brush away the snowflakes
and bestow on you a kiss
He gathered you up in His arms
God you looked so fine
that white dress you were wearing darling
like a billion stars did shine

-- I Can't Remember, from VOL's Killing Floor CD
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Imagine being on that train with your loved one, maybe as newlyweds on a honeymoon, maybe on a getaway vacation, paint whatever picture in your own mind. Your sharing intimate moments. You're dining in the club car with all the wealthy folks, listening to their chat of "this quarter's earnings", the make of their suits and dresses, their exotic tales of travel, and half of them are their with someone other than their spouse, and they're all living the high life of the moment. You head back to your cabin, perhaps tossing a couple of jokes around about everything you saw and heard, and suddenly --

You have no idea what's happened, but you're now rolling on your side, and you realize that the train's no longer on the track. Then, SMACK, and you fly forward crashing into a wall, and the train lurches to an abrupt halt. Everything goes black for you don't know how long, and when you come to, there are some emergency lights on in the car. You hear some groaning back in dining area. But your mind focuses and it hits you: Where is he/she?

Everything that mattered to you instants ago -- your job, making yourself a success, your stocks, money markets, IRAs, and 401K plans, your vacation itself, how big your house is, what car you were considering buying, the TV show you planned to watch, the big game, the kid's education... in a matter of seconds, none of that matters anymore. None of it.

Like in Ecclesiastes, where Solomon laments life as we know it, everything is chasing after the wind.

You see the coat your loved one was wearing -- it's him/her -- next to a broken window where the snow from outside has blown into the train, and when you crawl to him/her, you know... it's not even a question... that person's gone. Your heart cracks in your chest, your stomach gives way, and you bury your head into his/her side and weep bitterly in the night's cold that you're too numb to feel.

Finally, almost as if it's in a moment of clarity, maybe it's a dream, maybe a vision: you see Jesus taking His loved one, your loved one, into His arms arms, wiping snow from the forehead and bestowing that kiss, and in a flash, the coat the person had been wearing becomes transformed into a cloak brighter than all the heaven's stars.

Even a scene such as that may not dull the pain, but it does provide a ray of hope through the tragedy. And more importantly, it contrasts with all those "idols on parade," all those trivialities that had seemed so critical before the train hit the snowbank. You now understand what is truly important.
Vigilantes of Love

Isn't It About Time for the Song Quote of the Week?

As much as I might poke fun of these posts in others that I do, they really are my favorites. No one else's apparently, but they're mine. So, just skip 'em if you don't like 'em, but by the same token, expect 'em, week after ever-lovin' week. I love these lyrics as they're so close to my heart:

yeah today i'm sick of all i am
today is my setback
first i swear i love You
then i stab You in the back
i wanna drink out of that fountain
on a hill called double cure
i wanna show You my allegiance Lord
yes i wanna be a son of Yours

-- Double Cure, from the V.O.L. CD (which is sort of like a Best of... CD with a few newbies thrown in)

This song actually was nominated for a Dove Award. It was beat out by the Bleach number, Epidermis Girl, which simply goes to show life isn't fair, even under the best of circumstances, and the best doesn't always win. Nonetheless, I'll take Double Cure over a hundred Epidermis Girls.

The "first I swear I love You, then I stab You in the back" line rings so true with me. How many times do I tell Christ I love Him and then show that love by my disobedience? "If you love me, obey my commandments." That sounds familiar to my ear, but the "stabbing Him in the back" sounds familiar to my heart.

Then, the chorus kicks in. I do want to show Him I love Him. More than anything -- ANYTHING -- I want to be a son of Yours. Romans Chapter 7, Romans Chapter 7, Romans Chapter 7. The war with my flesh. A war I've already lost. A war Christ has already won.

Double Cure is a reference (from the old spiritual Rock of Ages, Cleft for Me -- as opposed to the Def Leppard Rock of Ages tune) to being cleansed from sin's guilt and power. With Christ, I'm free of it all. For some reason, though, it doesn't want to let go. It rises up with its siren calls, and I have to make a choice. Time and again. And I can cling to the Lord, or fail, and many times I do (many more times than I cling, I'm afraid). But I pick myself back up, say, "Jesus is Lord," and resolve to turn back and walk with Him.

I love the last lines of the song's verse, which I'll leave you with:

ask me why i love Him
He gave riches to this poor
yes and i will one day see that face
over yonder shore

Bill Mallonee

Weekly Song Quote

This week's song quote -- and should I ever skip a week on the Bill Mallonee/VOL gems I've no doubt The Realm of Possibility would collapse from within -- is:

And I had a hand, my friend
in ushering darkness in,
Now, I wish that even more
I could show it to the door

Father, why do I feel like a casualty?
Father, why do I fell like a casualty?

-- from Casualty, Vigilantes of Love Driving the Nails CD

Lyrically, this song is just so, so good -- I probably should just quote the whole tune and leave it alone as food for thought. It's way back from 1991 when VOL was just starting, so the production quality isn't as good as some of the newer stuff when they had, in relative terms, made a name for themselves. Still, in my opinion, raw sound many times trumps the over-produced music, and this album is hard to beat.

In the noted verse, Bill laments his own, and this is true for every single one of us (personally, I'll exclude babies and small children), responsibility for allowing sin to find its way into our lives, whether it creeps in or whether its more like an avalanche. While we make the choice to let it in for whatever reason, whatever benefit we originally derived uses itself up pretty quickly. At some point, we want it and all of its effects upon us out. But it ain't that easy. We can ignore it, try to change our stripes, fight it, deal with it slowly yet none of that can ever dispel it. God's Word pretty much is point blank in telling us we are dead in our sins. Hence, the feeling of being shellshocked, a casualty of life. No small thing, this darkness. It took Christ on a cross, the ultimate cost, to deal with that sin and death. And as horrid as that was, it's the best of news. The Good News. The Gospel.

Bill Mallonee

THE Bill Mallonee/VOL Song Quote of the Week

You know how fickle my heart is,
prone to wander my Lord,
yeah we talk but it's at arms length,
always got one eye on the door

-- On to Bethlehem, from 'Cross the Big Pond EP

This bit of verse, unfortunately, describes my prayer life most of the time since about age 11 until now. Whether it's thinking about writing, getting out and playing a sport, playing with a kid, homework, doing something my wife asks, getting to work or doing it, or just falling asleep, come prayer time, you can bet I hear the siren call of something else, usually in the form of thoughts, begging my attention. So far in this life, I get about an D- for being a praying Christian, and I'm probably being generous. I've tried lots of little things to do better, and some big ones, but at this point, I think I'm resolving to go with John Ortberg's advice in The Life You've Always Wanted, and just plan out five minutes each day, same time each day -- make it holy time on holy ground where nothing else can interrupt me and while I'm awake enough to not have visions of darkness clouding my brain -- and take that time to pray to my Lord and my God.

I do sort have a continuous stream of prayer going on with God (not totally unlike Philipe Gastone, as played by Matthew Broderick in the movie Ladyhawke, for any of those who've seen it), but I'm speaking more of a root time in prayer (and maybe Bible Study) where you're seeking the Lord as opposed to just hanging with Him - although, I have to say, that's not half bad either.

Still, the Most High deserves more, and He deserves more from me. Hopefully, I can become a good servant in this area -- but I've wasted a lot of life to this point, and that's sort of the point of this lyric. The rest of the lyrics are great, too, if you read them. You'll probably get more out of studying them than just listening to my second-hand spiel. So, by all means, GO! Read them. Read them now. Thank me later.

Bill Mallonee