Wednesday, August 05, 2009

An Open Letter Full of Tough Love

Puh-leeze, people.

You've allowed Richie Rich to suck you into his sad little cry for attention once again.
Don't enable his problem by commenting 10 times to a lame self-aggrandizing "Hey, it's my birthday" post. Actually it was only 5 comments, he doubled the number by commenting on his own lame post more than anyone else. Lame.

He didn't even post it ON his birthday. This was done so that everybody reading will immediately feel bad that they are already late in wishing him happy birthday. Sad.
Then he tops it off by telling you what he DIDN'T get for his birthday and how horribly old he is. It's all a play for a pity party, not an online birthday party. Boo-hoo.

Now I have no doubt that he loves his brother, Brich, but the whole post wishing his brother happy birthday before the fact was just to set this post up and make it look like he's just a birthday-centric guy in general instead of a "hey, look at me" guy. Not falling for it.

He can remember Brich’s birthday days beforehand, but then his own birthday just slips past him until the next day. C’mon. I mean what is the statute of limitations on "self-announcing" your own birthday after the fact. Insulting.

Make him bring the goods. Make him write a post that will change your outlook. Make him write something that makes your day. Believe me he’s capable. Don’t pander to this poor-mouthing. You’re better than this and so is he. Step it up.

And lastly, I love the guy. But there is NO way. I mean NO way that he is only 42. Have you ever seen a picture of this guy (if not, see above)?? Some of you claim to know him personally. C'mon. He’s closer to 62 than 42. 42? It is to laugh. I’ve seen guys go bald at 42, but I’ve also seen less gray hair in a nursing home. 42! HA!

There is no way that you get the kind of uncanny, soul-piercing, insight to the human condition and soul that Rich brings to the table in only 42 years. Did I just say that? Yes!

He’s thrust a lot of the lies upon you about his personal life in the past, and I’ve let them go. Chalked them up to entertainment value. True, they weren’t all that entertaining, but that’s his shtick. It’s part of the persona that he’s chosen to present here in the Realm. But this post (and the subsequent fawning that went on in the comments section) went too far this time, and I had to speak out. Had to!

We need an intervention, and we need it now!!

Otherwise, let me be the first the wish Rich a Happy 43rd (HA!) Birthday. Then you’ll all have nearly a whole year to continue coming back to this post and saying all the sappy, Rich-obsessed, Rich-focused prattle that he seems to crave so much. Please, if you’re not going to give him tough love and get him through this, then by all means let’s have a year-long stroll down Richory Lane in Richtown down to the Rich E. Cheese for a Rich party!! Ugh!

12 comments:

DugALug said...

Ken,

As a knower of all things Rich, I can say with certainty Rich's physical age is indeed 42. We went to High School together, and we are only 6 weeks apart in age.

As far as Birthdays go, me senses that you are... well.... hmmmm... jealous?

While he is quite white (and we know it ain't wisdom) on the top, he doesn't look a day younger than 41 (which is what I am right now), which is still older than Brich.

Still, you are exposing your hand and I am calling.

It seems sad that all you got to post on is, Zero-flush, Chia-monsters, and bashing your blogging buddy. Don't give up hope, Ken, if you keep plugging away inspiration will eventually come... maybe.

God Bless
Doug

Rich said...

Curses! Foiled again!

Anonymous said...

Ken, are you needing some attention? Well here ya go. I'm proud that I know ya. You're a stand-out kinda guy. The realm needs you to balance things out.

How's that for pandering?

WandaV

Rich said...

Oooooooooor-rrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

and FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR more likely:

Ken knocked back a half dozen too many Mai Tais as he was busily engrossed in the Boggy Creek Monster Quest episode, all the while pecking at his laptop keyboard attempting to cobble together this lame-arsed post.

Take your choice.

Also Kenneth, when it's me, it's "uncanny, soul-pearcing insight" not "soul-piercing..."

Maybe I need to start tacking lame "Ed. notes" to posts on this blog not mine, like some other blog administrator for The Realm of Possibility enjoys adding to the ones I compose. Of course, if I did that to this one, the only thing we'd be left with is:

"Rich brings uncanny, soul-pearcing insight to the human condition."

Now, that's a post! (in best Burton Guster voice)

Rich said...

The realm needs you to balance things out.

How's that for pandering?

WandaV


Would you like me to answer that Wanda?

Diabolical Genius said...

Hey, I love Rich, too. I said so in the post.

However, I thought that because you love Rich, you would give him what he needs instead of what he wants. So far. Eh-eh.

'Course Doug really only refutes how old Rich is and not the other stuff. So maybe he is a knower of all things Rich after all. That's a bizarre hobby, but still...

I am holding out hope that we may still have enough for an intervention when the rest of the RoP weighs in.

Wanda, Wanda, Wanda. Pandering to me misses the point and more importantly misses the opportunity to help Rich.

Don't feed his ego with ammunition, feed his id with truth in love.

Rich said...

Don't feed his ego with ammunition, feed his id with truth in love.

My "id" is a place you don't need to be telling anyone to feed with anything.

Anonymous said...

Ids scare me. They cause electric-like monsters that roam around and kill people on other planets.((shudder))

WandaV

DugALug said...

Ken,

Maybe you should get a puppy. I hear that are loving no matter what.

God Bless
-Doug

Rich said...

Hey, Ken, how do we lock comments?

If ever there was an incendiary post written fro the soul purpose of being inflammatory where we needed to lock out any more comments, this is one.





Did he really say "Step it up"...? Him?!? Ken?!? Ken Story?!?!? That is a LOT of nerve coming from him. Frickin-frackin bizarro-buzzardo troll.

Diabolical Genius said...

Let me get this right?

You want me to tell you how to lock comments to a post I wrote?

Typical Rich.

You'll probably just deal by pushing this post farther down the page with more inane babbling.

By the way, Happy Birthday!!

Rich said...

Two things here, and then a friendly suggestion:

1) Quit commenting on your own post to keep the comments going up. Hypocrite, thy name is Ken.

2) If ever a post needed the html note: span class="fullpost" (within the less than and greater than characters) -- before the first word was written, this is the one.
---
Do you remember the song from Todd Snider "Talking Seattle Grunge Blues", which was the hidden track from his debut CD? It followed the Joe's Blue's song at the end. Well, of course you don't, but in the song, to differentiate their band from anyone else's, they were the band that "wouldn't play a note, under any circumstance."

What would be better is a post from the Diablowhardical Genius that read like that band played. Just name your post, and write nothing after it. Now, THAT would be Diabolically Genius!!! That would be soooooo much better of a post than this sorry one. "Much" in the last sentence meaning "so, so many, many Godzillian times more".