Go Ode Yourself

Let's see if I have this correctly. The last post crafted up by the Diabolical Genius sounded something a little, a little something, almost exactamentally, close to word-for-word, and something a lot like this. It reads similarly to this:

Where, O where, has my little Rich gone,
Where, O where, can he be,
Not in the parlor, not on the lawn,
Not in the loo to wee.
Poor Richard does not an almanac write,
Young Dick, he nevermore posts,
No clacking of keys and no scrawl of the pen.
The virus has swallowed his byte,
The Trojan has given the Realm up to ghosts,
But the worm cannot shut up ol’ Ken.

Is anyone else catching the irony here? "Irony" is a big word and sometimes misunderstood. Let me e'splain. By my count, since this frolicking, self-serving little poetic injustice here, sixteen posts, including this one, have been penned by the the selfsame victim of this verse. The sum total written at the hand of the author of this "Ode to a Madman" post is a grand, whopping total of negative one (plus one). Zero.

Again, back to the irony. The DG scribes: But the worm cannot shut up ol' Ken.

Apparently, something other than a worm has busted ol' Ken in the proverbial chops. And just on a little bit different tack, all the "Young Dick", "wee" and "Trojan" references...

...please Kenneth. This is a family blog. And we're children's book writers.

Back on point, where is this Lord-O'-Limerick now? Where can be found the Viceroy of Verse? The Sultan of the Sonnet? Or should I say, the Queen of the Quatraine?

Anyhow, I love the irony. Don't you?

I'm Small - I Admit It

That said, I hereby submit my official response to Ken's post that is so magnificent in its utter awfulness. Here are my choices for the picture I want next to my name:>

First, I'd like to try Evil Ken.











Of course, I'm not evil like that, so maybe something heroic would work better. What about Ken the Eagle?













Really, though, neither villian nor hero fit my personna. I think this one does a better job of capturing me:













Naaaaaah. In the end, cartoons really don't work. What about the real deal? I mean, who am I really? Isn't this really my Maslowian actualized real self?












Nope. None of those. I've got to be me. This is the one:


















THIS HAS GOT TO BE BY MY NAME!!!
Put it there pretty please!

Pick a Picture for Rich

Bottom line: Rich needs a user profile picture.

But knowing him like I do, I know that he won't ever get around to actually choosing one. And he certainly wouldn't want to use an actual photo of himself. That's just our lovable Mr. Pearce.

So, we need to help him.

Your mission is straight-forward. Below you will find five potential user profile pictures. Rank them from Most Rich to Least Rich.

Then, I've got the dubious task of hand-holding and cajoling to get him to upload it onto his profile.

Good luck to all of us. It's a worthwhile cause.

a)

b)

c) d) e)

The Greenhouse Effect

Why does The Realm of Possibility look like it just got peed on by a deranged leprechaun?

SOMEBODY TURN IT OFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!

[Please, please, please don't tell me this nightmare is spinning off from Ken's multi-colored iris post. See what kind of nonsense happens when people start encouraging him by commenting carte blanche on some of his lamer posts. Let this be a lesson to anyone and everyone who starts feeling the pity. This happens! Let's nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand. Puh-leeeeaze!!!]

Today Is the Greatest...

...Day I've Ever Known.

Because today, I'm not going to have a single thought. Last night, after analyzing all the hows and whys and whichevers of what makes a good blog post, I've decided that today I'm not going to think at all... instead, I'm going to write to the lowest common denominator. I'm writing a post about Dancing With the Network Stars.

(KNOCK. KNOCK.)

("what's that Mom?" "just Dancing with the Stars?" "no, I'm sure I have it right." "mom, please, can I have some peace here in your basement?")

Sorry, er, that was the plumb... er, repair man. Leaky drain pipe. Now, what was I saying. Oh, yeah, the Dancing Stars.

The show that forced my Miami Dolphins to trade Jason Taylor (pictured above to the right), a certain Dolphin Ring-of-Famer and borderline guy for the NFL Hall of Fame. Jason Taylor came in second, or so I hear, on the show, which, as is well-chronicled here in The Realm, is the first place loser! Notwithstanding the 1-15 season we endured two years ago, we Miami Dolphin fans don't accept losing. So, yes, we shipped him off to the Washington Redskins. At least we received a pair of draft choices for him from the 'Skins. And with those draft choices, I think we got Tom Delay and a bag of nickels. I don't have high hopes for DeLay, here. But if he doesn't pull out a first, we'll be trading him this year... probably for a couple of old-time James Bonds if we can manage, Roger Moore or Tim Dalton. If we can't get that, maybe an old Jacques Cousteau? Peter Sellers or David Niven...

(KNOCK. KNOCK.)

("what's is it now, Mother?" "what? Niven and Sellers passed away some time ago?" "no, I'm sure that's not right." "seriously, Mom, I'm in the middle of something crucial here, and plus, I don't want people knowing that I'm, you know, here... thank you")

Okay, maybe we'll just get some actor who played in the movie, Murder by Death.

Anyway, getting back on track, Dances with Stars -- let's take a look at the players, dancers, I mean, and I think it's pretty evident that we can go ahead and say who's going to win the whole kit-and-kaboodle, shindiggin' jamboree.

Let's start with the aforementioned Tom DeLay. I think we all know by now that Democrats are just cooler than Republicans. The secret is, for the men, they wear boxers, not briefs. Far more comfortable for dancing. Not that I know, but I just think it's self-evident. As for the Republicans, who is the last Republican that could dance? Orrin Hatch? I don't think so. DeLay is out.

Kelly Osbourne. I just don't see it in the cards. It's genetics. Now, if we were having a Bite the Head Off a Bat with the Stars, I'm thinking she'd have a leg up. Dancing? Not so much.

Who in the name of all that is Hollywood is Mark Dacascos? Can the network afford for the Chairman of the Iron Chef to win? In other words, are you watching the show all the way through if Mark Dacascos is the favorite?

(KNOCK. KNOCK.)

("Mom, please." "Mark Dacascos is a good-looking hunk? does anyone in the 21st century use the word hunk, ma?" "no, I'm sure they don't" "okay, okay, I'll say it if you leave me alone.")

Um, this guy Dacascos, I think he's got a shot.

I saw Macy Gray dance when she was singing in Spider-Man, right before the Green Goblin flew in stealing her limelight. The look she had on her face at that point tells me all I need to know. She'll be okay, but she certainly won't have enough.

Chuck Liddell. Wimp.

Isn't Melissa Joan Hart the chick that does the interviews with Joan Rivers on the red carpet? I might have that mixed up. However, if those two are friends, I'm thinking a lot of plastic surgery. And I just can't help but think that doesn't translate into good dancing. Think about Stiffler's mother in The Cinderella Story movie, where she was always getting botox. You think she could dance? Well, then, how could Melissa Joan?

And then there's Louie Vito, the snowboarder. You know what? I think he can probably dance. But the guy's 5'5" - at least I saw that somewhere, probably wikipedia, so I've got it backed up. Is America, a land rife with heightism, ready for a guy that short to win it's premiere dancing competition? Would Herve Villech... um, Tattoo from Fantasy Island have won a subjective dancing contest? Methinks not.

How about Natalie Coughlin? She's cute, a swimmer, so you know she's down for the training involved for all the dance routines. She reminds me of Kathy Ireland, who would certainly be someone people would want to see in a contest like this.

(KNOCK. KNOCK.)
("sigh. Mom, what?" "Kathy Ireland's in Dancing with Stars this year?" "no, they wouldn't. are you sure?" "thanks for letting me know, mommie")

Natalie's out.

Back in the '70s, when the Jackson 5 and The Osmonds were competing like they were on a dance contest show, Donnie Osmond could dance. Let's face it, he's a little bit rock 'n roll. Sitting around the $25,000 Pyramid, however, is no way to keep in dance shape. Twenty years later, could he possibly be better? No.

Speaking of let's face it. Joanna Kruppa is in the final three right now. For any guy that's watching the show -- I hate to say we're that shallow, but, and I can't emphasize this enough, we are -- she's a draw. Like they say in the NCAAs, the real BIG DANCE, she'll be a tough out.

On one of my birthdays years ago at my office, all the girls at work put up pictures of all the NSYNC, Brittany Spears, Backstreet Boys, 99 Degrees, all those acts all around my office with a boom box pounding out some manufactured manure from one of those acts, because they knew how much I hated them. I remember there was a picture of Aaron Carter. He must have been in the embryonic stage then. But there he was on my wall. On general principle, he's a goner.

Entourage is all the rage. And I've never seen a show. I really wouldn't know Debi Mazar from Little Debbie. And I'm sure I like Little Debbie's food better. While I shouldn't count out a person just because I don't know who they are, in this case, I don't know what else to do. Sorry, Debi. Good luck with Entourage.

(KNOCK. KNOCK.)
("I'm almost out, Mom, can it wait?" "no, Mom, Entourage is not one of those filthy shows on Cinemax. It's on HBO." "no, I'm sure it's fine for kids. Kevin Dillon is in it. Remember him from that movie Heaven Help Us. He was hilarious as Rooney. Yeah, Andrew McCarthy was in it, too. That was a great movie for kids, right?" "ouch! ouch! Mom get outta here.")

The token NFL castoff for the show this year is Michael Irvin. Haven't we been here before with Emmitt Smith? Now, I'm not saying Michael can't dance. He was in South Florida, for crying out loud, and they dance there in Coconut Grove and South Beach. And I'm sure in some of the Dallas clubs, Michael was shakin' it. But I can't get past this one thing. Unless Michael Irvin shaves off that cheesy mustache, he has no hope. Image is everything in this one. Michael is a no-go.

Ashley Hamilton is the son George Hamilton, who as we know was Zorro the Gay Blade as well as Count Vladimir Dracula in Love at First Bite, where, he liked the night life, he liked to boogie, on the disco heiiiii-iiiiiiiights, oh yeah. Also, he was Evel Knievel in Evel Knievel back in '71. Using the same logic as we did with Kelly Osbourne, Ashley's got a chance.

Also with a good chance is Mya, since Mya is a dancer and R&B Singer. If life were fair, she should and would win. Life's not fair. She won't. It'll be an upset, but she won't.

Kathy Ireland. Supermodel. Supermother. Model-turned-mogul: furniture queen and clothing empress. Superactre... uh, just actress. Author. And World Champion of Battle of the Network Stars. I mean, Dancing with the Stars. She's your winner. Write it down.

(KNOCK. KNOCK.)

("Mom, I've told you for the last time?" "what? no, I don't know any Chuck Lidde... Chuck! oh hey, Chuck! love your work..." "no, no way. I would never. Never call you a wimp. Ever." "no! Mom! I didn't say that." "no, Chuck, I'm begging. Please! Ooowwww! Aiiieeee! Arrrrrrrgggggggh!" CRAAAAASSSSH!!!)

[Service announcement from blogger: We apologize for technical difficulties here at this blog site, but The Realm of Possibility has been closed until further notice until Rich comes out of his coma.]

Comments on the New Poll

If you haven't noticed, or just as likely, you're venturing into The Realm of Possibility for the first time (and if you're reading this post, WHAT A WAY TO START!!! I might add), our own Diabolical Genius, the author of fine, eclectic, and dare, I add, ingenious posts such as Poopy Doopy (post repealed and deleted), the Poopy Doopy Retraction, and Waterless Toilets among several others of similar quality, has laid out a new poll at the bottom of this page.

While these aforementioned posts are just the veritable tip o' the iceberg, as it were, in touching upon his undeniable aptitude, the poll he's constructed below involves just as much sagacity in aiding us build a more creative and engaging environment here at The Realm as those imaginative posts.

Not to intrude upon the brilliance of one such as he, but I did notice a few omissions in the poll I thought at least a trifle notable. Begging his pardon, I wished to use this post space to add those specific lapses:

When I visit the Realm, I'd like to see more...

• Posts about TV Shows and Movies


• Discussions/photos about the A-to-Z details of Ken in infancy through his toddler years


• Discussions/photos telling and illustrating the wonder years of Ken


• Discussions/photos regarding Ken's adolescent history and high school sports achievements


• Discussions/photos on Ken's rise to young adulthood including embarrassing collegiate and fanciful nuptial pictures


• Discussions/photos having to do with Ken's jobs since graduation


• Discussions/photos of Ken in the writing process, attending literary conferences, speaking at school engagements and other venues, etc.

Due to the poll's oversight, for which both of us apologize in hindsight, if you do wish for The Realm of Possibility to include one or more of the missing bullets listed above, please check "Other" in the poll, and then use the comments under this post to include which of the neglections you'd like to see here in The Realm of Possibility.

As always, we thank you for your patronage.

P.S. If you clicked the box regarding "Recipes", while I cannot speak for my counterpart, please allow me to say that what posts you'll receive there from me shall be 101 Ways to Fry Bacon and to Toast Toast and... that's about it.

All the same, if you have recipes you'd like to share, please e-mail them to realmsubmissions@gmail.com, as you would any post you'd like to extend to The Realm's audience. And perhaps, I don't know this to be true, but the chance exists, that perhaps, Ken has recipes.

Again, many thanks.

Mark My Words

Whenever Ken decides it's time for him to condescend back into The Realm of Possibility, you can be absolutely, 100%, can't miss type-of-sure, that he's going to make some sort of remark about how while he steps away from the blog for a mere few days, how the whole kit and kaboodle descends into posts of famine and war, tragic arrests, depressing song lyrics, laments for days going and gone by... dreariness.

He may well be right, the buzzard... but mark my words.

(Ed note: The Diabolical Genius knows all and sees all. And he's watching you Richard, watching you. BWOHAHAHA!!)

Bottom of the Page - Note Just to Ken (Please Move Along, Nothing to See Here)

Ken,

I noticed only two people have voted so far in the poll you set down at the bottom of the site. Now, I haven't voted - maybe you have, I don't know. Do you think it would be a good idea if I went and voted - can I vote more than once??? - so it looks like we have more traffic than we do? Or so I'd at least feel better? Maybe the masses of people that read our posts just don't ever make it down that far because they're all so caught up with the blog, they only need to read the top couple of posts. Ooooooooooorrrrrrrr, and far more likely as in about 101% to -1%, we only have two people reading the blog. That might help answer the question you posed. Not that I'm getting on Facebook --- that would have to be you. I'd always be rejecting "friends" and, even worse, be being rejected as a "friend", which you know tears me up, but my rejecting would still have to be done, and then that defeats the whole purpose. You're much more social than me - a sanguine you are. And though I'm continually hearing about it because sports figures are doing it, I really don't have that great of a concept of what Twitter even is. Stone Age me.

Thoughts?

Your pal,
Rich

You Know What This Blog's Missing?

Three guesses each.

Hint... hopefully, he's coming back from vacation at the end of this week, and he decides to stop by the Realm.

Best of KCS (or Ken Story's Greatest Hits Post)

Since I've been out building a castle the last couple days, I haven't been able to post. The big party is tomorrow, so Saturday's probably out, too (I'll give the party update on Monday). Due to the lack of activity here at The Realm, I've decided to run a Best of KCS list of posts links to keep you guys occupied for the next couple of days. The CD cover pic is pasted over there on the left. As we know, Ken's the Big Train!

So turn down the lights, and turn up the neons. Point the lights on Ken and let him shine. This is his 15 minutes of fame! Drum roll please. Here's your Ken Story Greatest Hits list of links (Ba Ba Ba Bum!!!)






wow. That was a short list.

Would you believe I wasted our 300th post of all time on this? Go figure.

Something's Going On

All morning long and now into the afternoon, I haven't been able to see our blog... well, nothing but the header quote. Yet, I can write and publish a post like this one that no one will be able to read until the blog comes back up, which, of course, we hope happens in our lifetimes because if not, no one will ever get to read what I'm writing now.

Heeeeeeeeeey now. That gives me an idea. Just for the fun of it! I can say whatever I want, and no one can read it, heh heh heh.

KenisagoonKenisagoonKenisagoonKenisagoonKenisagoon.

Oops. What's that old saying about character is what you are when no one's watching?

Then, I guess, er, Ken is a nice goon?

"R" vs. "K"

In this corner is Rich.

In that corner was Ken.

Ken is now dead. That has to be the reason he's not posting. As I told Dugalug before (and he dared to mock - at his own peril):

Fear the Rich

Sorry if you were cheering for the other guy. If so, you lost.

(By the way, is that a mansierre on Ken in the picture over there on the right? Is that a skirt and high heels on Ken? Now, I almost feel bad for doing him in... naaaaaaaaaah.)

IV

Spic dog owns dull edges and ants relieve a fortune? nuts. Call me to splot ask stuff. So tour areas to prop on. Is that a brown snake Tom? Hold idly strive pretty risky logs on top. Lo, Ken san.

Problem this wart, bad raisins act duh. If walking alter lofts just until fall ball to bore ears aches. Ash brims from two TVs.

1/2 Way to Party-time

This post represents our 250th. Way back at Post # 100, I said:

And what would a 100th Post celebration without a gala to back it up? Party at Ken's place Friday night everybody: 7:00 p.m. and we'll go for 100 hours without sleeping. Get in on the action now cuz there ain't gonna be another celebration until Number 500!

If you don't mind a small wager, what are the odds that we'll make that?

Not sure how many of you guys, and especially any of you girls, I saw at Ken's that Friday. Well, to be more specific, I can't even really remember seeing Ken... or his house... that Friday, but I'm sure it was because I was so dazed and amazed by the end of the bash. But there'll be a bigger and even better one at 500 posts, and you're all invited -- if we make it.

Which brings me to that last question. Now, that Ken has decided to be a troll instead of a poster and contributor here at The Realm, what really are the odds we'll make 500 posts? They can't be good, what with all my excuses for time crunches. Anyone besides Trollmeister Ken want to hazard a guess as to what those odds are? Or better yet, how 'bout just a "Yes" or "No." Will The Realm make it to 500 posts? 1000? How about 251? Or, better, how 'bout 252 because there's another Bill Mallonee post coming tomorrow, and I don't miss those, no matter how much fun Ken makes of me.

Postcards to Ken

I think you can all now see that I wasn't too far from the truth in this post and in my rebuttal to this awful and inflammatory post. What was the last thing I said to Ken in my Dear, Dear You post? Oh yes:

I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks or a month from now when you post again.

Very prophetic if nothing else, don't you think? Anyway, what I thought we could do in the comments is all write something down to say how much we miss Ken here in The Realm of Possibility and how much we'd like him back. Well, to be quite precise, you can tell him anything you want (within reason). I mean, if you don't actually miss him, but you do think he's an egg-head, feel free to tell him that. I will. Just nothing over-doing it - you guys know what I mean.

Now, this is one of those feel-good posts that has, sadly, an off-chance to be a feel-bad post. If no one comments to Ken, I'm sure his feelings will be quite hurt, and then, one wonders, how long he might stay away from The Realm after that.

So let's hear it for Ken!!!

P&S Call It Quits

Dear Readers,

Due to irreconcilable differences, Rich and I have decided that it would be best if we went our separate ways.

We have tried to work through or hide our venom-laden feelings, but based on recent posts and some of your comments, it is clear that we have been unable to successfully disguise the underriding tone of our interaction with each other.

The Realm of Possibility and our writing collaboration efforts are the real victims here, and we also apologize to our many readers. From this point forward, Rich has custody of the Realm from Sunday through Friday, and I receive visitation rights on Saturday. For those of you who are interested, I will retain all rights to any of our writing collaborations that include characters who are amputees, and Rich will keep control of "You can never say goodbye, Brian Renehan".

I know that many of you may be hurt or confused right now. And that's OK. But don't feel like you have to suffer alone. On Saturdays, the Realm will be a safe place to express any questions or just to vent some of the pain. Please don't hesitate to do so.

Yours,

&Story

Dear, Dear You

Although a post like the one two below merits no more than a passing glance, after a cursory review, I've decided to draft a relatively brief response for the benefit of our dozen or so audience members.

Ultimately, and I think you'll agree, what makes a successful mutli-person blog are continuous, high-quality posts. By "continuous," I mean daily -- or every other day at the very least -- and hopefully more often than that. Perhaps it helps if they are published at regular intervals during the day, but the jury is still out on that. Then, by "high quality," I mean posts with substantive value. Sure, a few "social" or "activity-driven" posts can be tossed into the mix to engage the audience, but in the end, the majority of posts need to have explicit or implicit value (of some type or another) to the readership or else the blog is a virtual windbag.

On the count of "Successful Blogging," then, for whatever reasons, we are failing. Dissimilar to our novel and short story writing where we truly collaborate, our posts are written individually. Therefore, our audience receives my more prolific drivel on a continuous basis to attempt to keep a pulse beating in The Realm, while they experience your quality only when inspiration and free time align, which remains about as often as the planets aligning. So despite my attempts to resuscitate The Realm with literary hot air, the blog flatlines due to your frequent hiatuses. Because, let's face it, despite my Ken is not a nose-picker post attempting to draw attention to your absence, I'm fairly certain no one else actually noticed anything out of the ordinary for this blog. Obviously, no one mentioned it. You can peruse every comment for yourself. You'll find no, "Hey, where's Ken been?" or "I sure do miss Ken and so does this blog" comments anywhere under any post. And I'd have to reason that the cause of this disattention is that no one thought you were actually gone at all. They just figured you'd post your infrequent yet genius posts when you regularly do, which is to say, irregularly.

I'm not sure what's to be done about any of this, but I will say it's good to have you back. I guess I'll see you in a couple of weeks or a month from now when you post again.

Dear, Dear Me

I was going to start out with Mark Twain’s quote about his exaggerated demise, as it appears that this is the Standard Operating Procedure for returning bloggers after a lengthy hiatus as a lead-in to their plethora of excuses.

But after reviewing the recent history of the Realm, I decided that rather than apologize for my absence, I must instead take this opportunity to apologize for Rich’s presence. For the Realm has become a very depressing place, it seems. And I was dismayed to see that the polluted air caused by the smoldering fields of dead grass had already blotted out the sun.

While some of the somber mood can be attributed to the natural emotional letdown undoubtedly experienced by many of you who had grown accustomed to my poignancy and sterling wit, I’m afraid that the bulk of the blame must be laid squarely at the feet of Mr. Pearce. Or should I say, Mr. Gloomy Gus.

I am sure that many of you have been planning an Internet intervention. I only wish that things had not been allowed to deteriorate to this point. However, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not pointing fingers at you, the loyal readers. Heaven forbid. No, I poke the accusatory index digit with fervent repetition into the pasty puss of my well-intentioned, but clearly overwhelmed, fellow moderator.

For the leaves should not be responsible for making the wind blow. The echo should not be forced to begin the yodel. And though it only takes a spark to get the fire going, Kum-ba-yah is a different song entirely.

This is all to say… I’m sorry. Not for anything that I’ve done or not done, but sorry that a man with so very little to say, a man very much like Rich, has foisted his cry-for-help, his incessant nothingness, his diet web flatulence and self-loathings unchecked upon a readership that quite frankly deserves a tad bit better.

And I’ll make you this money-back guarantee. It may take time, lots of time, in fact you may not see tangible results in your lifetime, but my promise to you is unswerving. And I’ll see it through to the end. You have my word on this.

It’s good to be back.

Just in Case...

...people are thinking Ken's picking his nose rather than posting to the blog, I can attest to the fact that it is not true.

First of all, you might remember one of my posts a while back on being time-crunched. Well, Ken has run into a nearly identical crunch, but his comes with even more stress. Fortuantely or unfortunately for our reading audience (you can be your own judge there), Ken is a little more discreet about his personal matters and doesn't blab them out over a blog that potentially the whole computerized world could read (but doesn't). Similarly, he probably doesn't feel the need to apologize for his absence as it cannot be helped. He'll post when he can, and those posts will be what make up the backbone of The Realm of Possibility.

Then, in my experience with Ken, I haven't found him to be much of a nose-picker at all. Granted, Ken can certainly do a great many things that bug the stew out of me (although that number certainly pales in the number of things that I can do that annoy Ken -- this post no doubt being a prime example), but nose-picking wasn't atop that list. I'm sure there are those that read this blog that can confirm or deny this statement, but the point is -- Ken is not picking his nose to get out of blogging. He's just not.

Ho! Forget What I Said Four Posts Down!

I noticed this subtle, since Kenny-boy is all about the subtle, change.

Ken has replaced the Lyric of the Day with a new Quote of the Week category on our sidebar. We have become more like everybody else, which is to say all the really good and cool blogs out there. Cool.

Not only that, we're quoting fictitious people in our very first quote of the week. That being the case, you can regularly expect quotes out of me from the following:

Yogi Bear (not to be confused with Yogi Berra, a real live ex-baseball catcher, whom I will not quote - cheesy commercials ruined that for everyone)
J. Jonah Jameson
Arnold (from Different Strokes)
The Lorax
The Wicked Witch of the West
Gretel
Dudley Dooright
Mother Goose, Mother Nature & Mother-May-I
Daffy Duck
Jim Street from SWAT
Speed Buggy
Rhett Butler
Jiminy Cricket
Scotty on the Starship Enterprise
Jimmy Olsen
Raven (from That's So Raven)
Dr. Who
Dora the Explorer
Simon Barsinister
Hannibal Lechter
Captain Kangaroo

and

Sam-I-Am

Anyone else have some better ideas of fictional characters we can quote? I'm - quite literally - taking names.