Thursday, August 13, 2009

Armond Joy's Got Nuts, Mounds Don't

Unbelievable. No, I take it back. Utterly predictable. Last Saturday, I blogged on the upcoming District 9. At that point, Rotten Tomatoes had ten reviews of the movie, all positive. Currently, the day before release, thirty-three critics have reviewed the flick, all positive... save one. Armond White. I almost hesitate to do this, but here's his review at the New York Press. The comments here, like the comments under his review at Rotten Tomatoes, are priceless.

Now, I haven't seen District 9 yet, and the majority of reviews come out tomorrow, so there's still time for the Certifiably Fresh rating of 97% to falter a ways. However, the Peter Jackson-produced, Neill Blomkamp-directed feature is almost sure to be reviewed well overall. And a good rule of thumb I've learned to go by is: if Armond White likes it, beware, if he hates it, go there!

Let's take a look, granted it's selective (and I'm trying to pick major motion pictures here, for the most part, rather than indies), at some of his reviewing record:

District 9
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra
Critical Consensus: Rotten Armond White: Fresh

Julie & Julia
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Funny People
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Public Enemies
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Critical Consensus: Rotten Armond White: Fresh

The Hangover
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Land of the Lost
Critical Consensus: Rotten Armond White: Fresh

Up
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Terminator: Salvation
Critical Consensus: Rotten Armond White: Fresh

Star Trek
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

State of Play
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Monsters Vs. Aliens
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

I Love You, Man
Critical Consensus: Fresh Armond White: Rotten

Have I gotten the point across yet? I could go on, but what good would that do? Seriously, you have to try to be contrary to go against the mass critical response this many times. I'm not saying I wouldn't agree with him on a movie or maybe two on this list, but c'mon!?! Are you kidding me? Up? Maybe it wasn't the best of the Pixar movies, but it was good, funny, and clever. Who wouldn't give that a thumbs up? There hasn't been a bad Harry Potter movie. People may not go out of choice, and some were better than others. But every Potter movie has been a good movie. Go look for yourselves. Bedtime Stories, Benjamin Button, Confessions of a Shopaholic, Gomorrah, The Wrestler, Gran Torino, Transporter 3, Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, A Christmas Tale, Swing Vote, Hellboy II, The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk, The Wedding Director, War, Inc., What Happens in Vegas... he goes against the tide of critical review in every single one of these movies. Some of these movies were so good, who could think they were bad. Ever? In a million years?

Armond White.

4 comments:

DugALug said...

Those comments are pretty funny. I think Laura and I are going to see it this weekend.

God Bless
Doug

Rich said...

Write a review, Doug! I mean, if you have time. Send it to us, and we'll post it. I've got family (multiple families) in town this weekend and I don't think I'm gonna be able to hit it until next weekend. But I'd love to know, and love for our VAST readership to know, what your thoughts were.

And to this point, I should probably add, Armond White wasn't alone. So far, four other reviewers have said, "Uh-uh." Seventy four reviewers, however, have said it's fresh, giving it a very high 94% on the Tomatometer.

That's pretty darned good.

DugALug said...

Rich,

Sorry Laura was a little under the weather so we didn't go see it.

God Bless
Doug

Rich said...

WHAT???!!!

TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!!!


Of course I jest, Douggie. Hope Laura feels better. I'm hoping to make it this weekend.