Dear Santa

It's been a banner year at the Pearce household, and as usual, I'm expecting my regular boatload of presents. Now, the reason I'm actually writing this year is that I've heard more than just a few people questioning my behavior as less than somewhat stellar, so I wanted to set the record straight.

First, my family. Okay, Santa, we've had that deal ever since I got married, you know, that my wife and I became one. That means: all the insults, bites, and any cursing at her or of her is really like I'm saying it to or about myself. Obviously, none of that counts toward your naughty list. Getting to the kids, I know I put them off a lot, but it's always for a good reason, or at least for a reason, which is better'n most kids get. Not to mention I send them off to play in the nicest way I can. I'm good like that, Saint Nick. Oh, about the punishments I dish out before I cool down, you could say they're hasty, buuuuut you can't say I didn't have a reason. As a parent, administering justice is just part of the business. Then, there's my own parents, brother, and sister -- I may hardly ever write or call them, but they know I love them anyway, so there you go.

Second, the neighbors. I know I haven't been very friendly to them this year, but at the same time, I haven't been unfriendly, have I? Let's face it, though. Their kids are a pain, whenever you get too close they start asking for favors they never expect to repay, some of them don't meet up to the high Christian standards we've set --- therefore, as I learned from Bambi so long ago, "If you can't say something nice, avoid them like the plague as long as you can."

Oh yeah, the church. Almost forgot that one. I've skipped a lot this year, I know. And if I prepare at all for the Sunday Schoolers' lessons I read, well, then hey, I'll do your job this year. But at least they've got somebody, right? As for acting like Jesus to others, I think we all have to face the fact that nobody's perfect, but seriously, I still believe in Him, so I've got the important stuff down, don't I?

Now, how about we get to the important things like my accomplishments. Here's numero uno. Whether or not I've worked hard enough is beside the point, but I did get that promotion and raise this year, so apparently I'm doing something right, don't you agree, big fella? Score one for the Rich-man. Then, there's the increased active rooting interest in my sports teams. Heck, the organizations ought to be paying me with all the time I'm investing in them. I could make the decisions for every one of them at this point. Not to mention my fantasy football team is winning this year, so I should get some extra credit for that. Back to the kids, now that they're reading a bit, I've got them reading Bible stories all by themselves. Even if I don't have time to answer their questions, something good's got to be rubbing off there... and they've always got Mom to help them out, so I think they're spiritually covered. Tons of credit should be coming my way for that as the spiritual leader of the house. My novel writing may have slackened, but even though I'm short-changing Ken in that regard, I'm also sticking it to myself. Plus, we've started this blog, so now I can positively affect others with my exemplary life. Like I said, it's been a bang-up year.

Which means we need to be getting down to business. It's that time again for a new car, and whereas wifeypoo says our next one that we get down the road needs to fit our lifestyle with kids, carpools, etc. how 'bout we hold off on that one just yet and go ahead with the Porsche? I've sorta been wanting that for a while, Claus, and somehow I haven't found it under my tree any of the past three years. It's high time. Then, the XBox 360's out, and there's a gift I can share. My kids already spend too much time watching TV, so this way as long as they have to watch, at least they can be interactive. If nothing else, I'm a solutions man. Cool, huh? Along with those, throw in another couple of authentic Dolphin jerseys, autographed of course -- this year, Ronnie Brown and Chris Chambers will do, but if I have to settle with Jason Taylor, so be it. The regular bunch of movies, CDs, candy, and games to go along with that new XBox are all good. If I think of anymore stuff, I'll certainly let you know.

Remember, we Pearces, we believe.

With all due respect to a man that looks like a red marshmallow and consorts with talking game,
Your biggest and # 1 fan!!!

Rich