Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Three Wishes

Mm'kay, go ahead and mock this post if you want, but here's the game -- same as it was when we were kids with just a few groundrules.

You're visiting Tahiti or Fiji or Gilligan's Island and there on the coastline, you find a multi-faceted bottle. Upon uncorking the bottle, a genie pops out in front of you and thrice offers you your heart's desire. That's right, three wishes. Only, the genie warns you not to wish in certain ways, lest you be turned into a warted toad on the spot. The warnings and rules you are told are as follows:

1) No wishing for more wishes or more genies

2) No wishing for intangible ideals that genies cannot possibly deliver (i.e. world peace, eternal salvation - for anyone, eternal youth, living forever, living happily ever ever, and so on)

3) Whatever wish you desire, it has what the genie calls an "effect of one" - that is, should you have regrets you'd like to take back, people from history with whom you'd like to speak, places you yearn to travel, sick persons you wish to make well, etc., the genie can do those things, but only on an individual basis. With one wish, you may take back one regret, travel back in time to one certain date, travel to one country, heal one sick person. That's the "effect of one." One wish - one thing granted.

4) In the same vein, no run-on wishes. A wish such as: I'd like to live on Mars with my family and friends and there would be air and water there and shopping malls and Martian football... those types of wishes will turn you into a warted toad but quick.

5) While genies can take you back in history, they cannot facilitate talking to the supernatural or dead, so no asking for wishes to talk to angels or demons or dead people. To talk to the dead, you'd have to go back in time, and then you'd have to request that person -- and that would constitute two wishes by virtue of the "effect of one."

6) Obviously, material goods are in play as are team championships (subject to the rule of one), but just be careful what you wish for.

7) Lastly, NO WISHING FOR BETTER POSTS FROM THE REALM OF POSSIBILITY AS THAT WOULD NOT BE POSSIBLE. Wish something like that and you'll be feeling a genie's teeth cutting through your amphibian-like neck.

Because, all people that are turned into warted toads will instantly be eaten by the genie. That's how genies survive.

Okay, Master, what are your three wishes?


DugALug said...


I wish I could think of something to wish for... no wait! Dang! No, I wish I didn't wish for something to wish for! DOH! No... hmmm, I sure wish I were better at this wishing stuff...



Rich said...

For all those wondering where Doug is in future commentary, he was turned into a toad by Barbara Eden and was then summarily digested by her.

Poof this!

Jeannie said...

Mm, mm.

Warted toads named Dug-a-lug taste like chicken.

[Lip smacking noises]


Could use salt, though.

[Tongue slides over upper lip]

Tasty. You should try a Doug, too.

Mm, mm. Scrumpdillyicious.

DugALug said...



codepoke said...

Reminds me of Steve Martin's Christmas wish.

1) To no longer confuse people when I'm kidding. I have almost quit trying to put humor into emails and blog posts, because someone always gets hurt.

2) The gift of prophecy. Because it would be so cool to be able to weaves jokes into prophecies and people would know which was which.

3) Understanding of Ken's Red Checks post.

Milly said...

1. I wish I had more money, so that I could help more at church they have a great ministry idea.

2. I wish I hadn’t purchased that giant flyswatter from the dollar store (a prop for LTC) Kids making me crazy with it.

3. Gas prices would drop. Come on four years please end soon.

P&S said...

1) I wish I had 35 million dollars. I'll take my chances that it would be enough.

2)I wish I was better looking than Rich.

3)I wish I was as funny as I thought I was.

jeannie said...

You're better looking than Rich Little and Richard Dawson and Richard Nixon, and that'll have to do.

DugALug said...

I See nothing in the rules allowing the Jeanie to make commentary.

That should be left to us folk reading the posts.

Ken - > poof < you were as funny as you 'thought' you were. Now you are an old krumuddgen with no sense of humor whatsoever.

Side note: Either Rich must have gotten a lot better looking in his old age or The Good Lord must have beaten you senseless with the ugly stick to have Rich as your litmus for looks. Shoot higher man! Maybe Walter Kronkite, afterall, you don't want to go all willy-nilly on this wishing stuff.


codepoke said...

I wish I hadn’t purchased that giant flyswatter

Hehehehe. That's a good one!

Rich said...

Either Rich must have gotten a lot better looking in his old age or The Good Lord must have beaten you senseless with the ugly stick to have Rich as your litmus for looks.

Obviously, I've gotten better looking in my old age, Doug.