Now This Guy Was Trying

I'm sure most of you have heard the quote, "If you ain't cheatin', you ain't trying." It's a sports adage that's filtered into some of our other vernacular. With the baseball steroid mess with Barry Bonds shooting for Aaron's record, the phrase will probably get a bit more mileage in the upcoming days with the new book Game of Shadows coming out about Bonds choosing to use steroids and human growth hormones, as well as the Balco scandal. Baseball has it's history rich in cheaters, though, so steroid abusers are just jumping on an already large pile. The White Sox scandal of 1919, spitballers, corked bats, Pete Rose betting perhaps against his own team, dadadadadada. Football, especially pro, has its own problems with steroids allegations, and collegiate football has recruiting rules violations that most people agree "everybody does, just not everybody gets away with it." Same with NCAA hoops. But here's one I didn't see coming. This one beats them all.

Here's the story.

Apparently, Christophe Fauviau... who has a son and daughter playing seriously competitive tennis in France, had "spiked" the water bottles of 6 boy opponents of his son and 21 female opponents of his daughter, 9 of the total being minors. He used Temesta, a drug that is supposed to induce drowziness in its takers. Several of his children's (Maxime and Valentine) opponents pulled out of ongoing matches with them due to dizziness, fatigue, burning, etc. I love to win just like the next guy, but a guy has really had to have lost it to be drugging his childrens' tennis foes' water. Or is that what they do in tennis? Codepoke? I'm sure you could answer this one.

From what Mrs. Fauviau alleges, neither she nor her children knew any of Mr. Fauviau's shennanigans. Hmm... Seems like after so many people keep pulling out of matches with your children, with your brother/sister, or with yourself, sooner or later you have to start wondering about something being wrong. But who am I to question someone else's integrity? Especially the French. (Just kidding there - bonjour).

Well, tragedy finally struck after one of the matches. Alexandre Lagardere pulled out of a match with Maxime, complaining that he was tired and ill. While driving home after the match, Lagardere fell asleep at the wheel, his car crashed, and he was killed. An autopsy revealed traces of Temesta. Eventually, the investigation fell upon Mr. Fauviau, who admitted to his crimes.

Eight years. That is his prison sentence. He killed a man. He gets eight years. What is that in France? A year and a half after good behavior?

Well, whenever I get hung up enough on my sons' soccer games to put some fake drug seeds in the halftime orange slices of the other team, I better be doing it in France. Any bank I end up robbing is going to be on the Champs-Elysees because if you only get 8 years for knocking off one of your son's tennis opponents, you probably only get 6 months for a mere armed robbery.

Of course I jest, but this is galling. Added woe is that Valentine Fauviau is supposedly pretty good, and may one day be on the pro circuit. Can you imagine her bio when NBC plays a five minute segment at the French Open? How would the Roland Garros crowds treat her?And what about upcoming opponents? If you're playing either Maxime or Valentine, I bet you're watching your water bottle REALLY closely. Their dad has done something they'll probably never be able to totally live down, at least not while playing tennis. Such a shame. However, I have to admit, they chalked up a lot of wins along the way.

So I guess I better get to work on finding a way to put weights in the shoe soles of the next basketball team my son plays. Or when football starts, lacing the other squad's team meal with some funky iocane powder might do the trick. My son's teams will never lose when the other teams keel over like Vizzini on the first third down of the game. Genius!

Here's to Christophe Fauviau, then, breaking the barrier one step farther of how far we need to go to win at all costs. If you can't beat 'em, kill 'em! Seriously though, hopefully, in the next eight years, Christophe might learn something worthwhile. The eight just should be a lot longer.

Fauviau
Cheating